September 2009
love is all you need
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” I said to the frightened newlyweds. “My theory is that The Beatles were right – love is all you need.” And with that, I shut off the oxygen pump to the specimen chamber and sat back to watch my experiment run its course.
August 2009
Modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac
“With my good looks and your good words, it’s only a matter of time before that good-looking secretary is ours,” I whispered quietly to the thesaurus.
Third time's the charm
I walked her to the door with excitement. She’d turned me down twice before, but they don’t call her Third Date Kate for nothing. “So?” I asked with anticipation. “Are you gonna show me your prehensile tail of yours or what?”
Third time's the charm
I walked her to the door with excitement. She’d turned me down twice before, but they don’t call her Third Date Kate for nothing. “So?” I asked with anticipation. “Are you gonna show me that prehensile tail of yours or what?”
A recipe for a great date:
1 quart confidence
2 cups flattery
1 dash of mystery
1 teaspoon of Rohypnol
dating?
“What did you think of Carl?” Jane said. “Really sweet,” Carol replied. “But also a little fruity for my tastes, if you know what I mean.” “Hmm, too bad. Maybe you should try Ted, then?” Jane suggested. “Okay,” Carol said. “But I just have to say these are the worst names for ice cream flavors I’ve ever heard of.”
Date night.
“Dinner and a movie again?” she said. “How about we think outside the box for once.” “Fine,” I said as I removed my newspaper hat and unhappily crawled out from my thinking box.
chinese checkers
Chinese checkers is pretty much the same as regular checkers. Except, instead of using two colors of flat wooden pieces, they use dog meat.
board games
“How about Stratego?” he said, pulling the box from the closet. “Is that the one where each player is given a knife, stripped naked, and forced to kill or be killed in a barbaric battle royale?” I asked. “Um, no,” he said with a twinge of revulsion. “Oh,” I replied. “Well, can we play that one instead?”
Teamwork
We made a good team. He spent his time working on the “Across” questions of the crossword, and I spent my time watching the girls’ locker room through the hole in the wall.
Poker tournaments
I think Texas Hold ‘Em would be more interesting to watch on TV if, instead of the winner earning all the poker chips, he earned his freedom from a locked box filled with angry raccoons.
